📞 Contact the Third Responders™
Need to report a violation? Want to join our elite team? Have questions about our services? We’re here to serve and protect our community.
📅 Appointment System
By Appointment Only
All contact with the Third Responders™ must be scheduled in advance. No walk-ins, no phone calls, no exceptions.
📧 How to Schedule
Step 1: Send written request via mail
Step 2: Include detailed reason for meeting
Step 3: Wait for written response (2-4 weeks)
Step 4: Attend 3-minute appointment
⏰ Appointment Hours
Weekdays Only: 8:15 AM – 10:14 AM
Duration: Exactly 3 minutes
Location: Bob Henderson’s Garage
Dress Code: Business casual required
📝 Mail all appointment requests to: 123 Security Drive, East West Mountain View, CA 90210
🚨 Emergency Procedures
For TRUE Emergencies Only
In case of a TRUE emergency (open garage door over 30 minutes, unlicensed lemonade stand, or sidewalk chalk exceeding 12 square feet), use the following procedures:
📧 Email Emergency
Email: emergency@ewmv.com
Subject: “EMERGENCY – [Violation Type]”
Include: Photos, location, time
📝 Written Report
Form: HOA Emergency Form 911-A
Delivery: Hand-deliver to garage
Response: 24-48 hours
⚠️ FALSE EMERGENCY REPORTS WILL RESULT IN FINES ⚠️
📋 How to Report Violations
🚨 Emergency Violations
Method: Email emergency@ewmv.com
- • Open garage doors (over 30 minutes)
- • Unlicensed lemonade operations
- • Sidewalk chalk exceeding 12 sq ft
- • Suspicious package deliveries
- • Teens in cargo shorts (winter)
📝 Non-Emergency Violations
Method: Written report via mail
- • Wind chime noise complaints
- • Garden hose coiling violations
- • Garage sale permit issues
- • Out-of-state license plates
- • Unauthorized drone activity
📧 General Inquiries
Email: security@ewmv.com
- • Service requests
- • Membership applications
- • Policy questions
- • Complaint submissions
- • General information
👥 Join the Third Responders™
Membership Requirements
Basic Requirements
- • Must be 18+ years old
- • Clean criminal record
- • Valid driver’s license
- • Community resident (preferred)
- • Commitment to justice
Training Requirements
- • Clipboard Defense Tactics (CDT)
- • Golf Cart Pursuit Maneuvers (GCPM)
- • Eyeball Interrogation Techniques
- • Fence Line Surveillance™
- • HOA Bylaw Certification
Application Process
- • Submit written application
- • 90-day probationary period
- • Supervised patrol duties
- • Performance evaluation
- • Final certification exam
🏢 Office Hours & Location
📍 Headquarters
Address:
123 Security Drive
East West Mountain View, CA 90210
Building: Bob Henderson’s Garage
Access: Ring doorbell, show ID
📅 Appointment Hours
Weekdays Only: 8:15 AM – 10:14 AM
Duration: Exactly 3 minutes
Weekends: Closed
Holidays: Closed
🚗 Patrol Vehicle
Vehicle: EZ-Go Lancer 500 Series
Color: White with amber lights
Identification: “SECURITY” on sides
Officer: Rotating team members
⚠️ Important Notice
All contact with the Third Responders™ must be scheduled in advance. No phone calls, no walk-ins, no exceptions. Appointments are limited to 3 minutes and are only available weekdays from 8:15 AM to 10:14 AM.
“First in Spirit, Last in Jurisdiction” — The Third Responders™